I want to say that a lot has been going on, but there hasn't been. Not in any way that I could show physically. But mentally?
Wow...I somehow found myself slipping into a depressive mode that I hadn't even realized was coming at me full force.
It wasn't until the dead of night a week ago that I asked myself, 'what am I doing?' that it clicked. It was almost 3am and I was up. I'd been eating horribly. And I'd completely given up on studying Korean. The thoughts that were circling around, waiting for a moment of weakness were relentless.
So many times I would start and try something, but without fail, I would backslide worse than what I was before. I couldn't get out of the bad cycle I found myself in.
And yet...somehow this week...I found something. I don't even know what to call it, but I found it. I've felt this before, back in my last two months in Korea. A sort of...calmness that helped keep me on my personal goals.
I never felt lost during that time. I knew who I was, what I wanted to do, and how I was going to get there.
And then, yesterday...something clicked.
Today...I'm okay.
Sure, a few times at work I felt anger rise at some people's comments or behavior, but just as quickly it dissipated. Maybe it's because it's the magic behind the 'dream job' or because of the plans that are coming together about my future...I don't know.
But it's working. I hope it continues to do so.
#SaveOurToya
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