To be or not to be....a Vegan...Again

That is the question.

And while I try my hand at a Shakespearean level dictation, and fail miserably, my question is no less lacking.

Am I ready to be a Vegan again?

Or...should I really be asking myself, am I ready to move on from what I've become.

When it comes to food, I've had an on-again, off-again relationship. It doesn't hurt that the Tinder for dining is so accessible. Grubhub, UberEats...

Don't tell me you don't get tempted by other options as you swipe through your options of what or where to eat. It's not like you'll feel any shame when the food comes to you or while you gorge out on delicious potatoes and scrumptious naan. And when it's all said and done, not only did you eat well, you didn't have to go out into the world to get it.

It's so nice!

It's so tempting!

It's killed my self control.

What little remaining self-control I had disappeared in the last week.

Since coming back to America, I have gained 20lbs (10kgs). I worked hard on losing the weight to begin with, I finally felt all the guilt from earlier knock me right off the scale.

"Oh nooo," I told myself when those guilt-fed numbers flashed laughingly at me. "Something has got to change."

So, I began thinking back to what helped me best in losing weight in America. "In America" is the most important part. Because what I can do in other countries, I can't pull off as easily in America. Everywhere else, it's so easy to include walking in your every day life. In America...you have to go out of your way to walk.

That being said, while I was a vegan, I also was going to the gym 2x per week, and was doing 5k conditioning. While COVID19 has me 'nope'-ing  in all social interactions/going where other people go. I'm basically more of a homebody than I've ever been.

But...I can take charge of my eating habits.

It's crazy that I have no problem telling other people 'no', but lack the strength to do the same for myself.

But I did do it once...

I can do it again.

Which is why I subscribed to HelloFresh. They have a $80 off deal right now, and if anyone wants to try it out for themselves, here's an additional $40 off if you click on this link.

With HelloFresh, I'm getting 3 meals per week that has 2 servings in it. Thankfully, I live alone, so I technically have 6 meals. And I can customize my meal options per week. It's not all in their hands, but also in mine. And while this isn't veganism, it is eating healthier.

I cannot tell you how often I've had pizza in the last week alone.

And cookies?

Let's...let's just let it go and move forward.

Okay...here's the deal.

From 7/19 to 7/31, I'm going to do right. Eat proper meals, no ordering delivery, and go on a walk at least three times a week. Maybe I'll try getting my sleep worked on as well. Just the other day I only had an hour and a half. That was a rough, rough day.

On 8/1, I'll post the before and after results. As well as talk about what worked and didn't work.

It's time for me to stop giving up.

#SaveOurToya

Just STOP

...Where to even fucking begin...

This job/workload isn't even a drop in what I'm able to take on. This job is easy for me. It is...sure, sometimes I'm at a loss for what to do, simply because the practices are different than what I did before. 

But still. 

A conversation with a Subject Matter Expert later, and I'm back on track.

I know my learning curve can't be the same for the others, and I always do my best to take that into consideration. Critical thinking is something my mother cultivated in me, and that's why HR stuff comes so easily to me. (As well as other things)

But sometimes, I can't be considerate. Sometimes, I really can't help but stare dumbfounded at people.

Not because they ask a dumb question. I can see that it comes from a place of curiosity and their own attempts at connecting things. Which is great. Work your mind how you can.

But when the behavior gets rude, then...then we have a problem. And my consideration goes out the proverbial window. 

Passive aggressive bullshit and microaggressions are distasteful, unprofessional, and childish.

We are grown fucking adults in roles where that shit has no business being in. Honestly, my kindergartners had more respect than some of the behavior I see in people here. And they had no idea how to interact with a foreigner! It's frankly, very disheartening that grown adults bring childhood rudeness into the workplace.

"I'm just saying..."

"It's not fair..."

"Well how was I supposed to..."

Newsflash, complaining isn't going to get you anything from me! You think I don't have the same problems? 

Stop expecting things to be handed to you. Stop expecting things to happen just because you demanded it. Stop with the bullshit childishness. Just STOP.

Take charge in your lack of information and make something of your ignorance. Learn about your resources and cross reference them! Because I can promise you, at the end of it all, you'll feel empowered and confident in yourself and the work product you push out.

In the past, I would say people would just be hurting themselves. But they're not. They need to take some fucking responsibility for their behaviors, because it's hurting those around them too.

Good lord!

Sometimes, I wish I wasn't so helpful or friendly. 

And I can't believe I just wrote that. I like who I am (on most days) at work, but lately it's as if my 'team player' attitude is condoning such shit behavior.

But still...I am polite. I am professional. I get the fucking job done. Because that's what is expected.

I didn't complain back when I had a full time job, part time job, grad school, and a relatively good social life.

I didn't complain back when I had to deal with Korean work politics (Everyone in America should be damn thankful they don't have to deal with that).

You don't see me complaining about this job and the unexpected demands that befall me every fucking day that puts my own training behind. I look at the positives, as much as I can. 

I really do.

But today, if I hear that whiny or demanding tone, don't expect to hear from me for the rest of the day. Because I have had it.

#SaveOurToya