Frustration - My Old Friend

I just finished posting on FB that there are some individuals in my life who think I'm playing. Like I have the time and desire for these childish games.

I don't.

I really, really don't.

I don't know about the rest of the world, but I gotta live my Best Life. And my Best Life does not include having to decipher whether you're being honest with me, or have some ulterior motive. Nor does it include crying over the fact that you don't "like" this new me. If it really mattered, if I really mattered, this "new" me, wouldn't be a problem.

This huge change over me wouldn't be anything new. Sure, you'd see more determination, but that's about it.

I am done with these games.

Either grow up and shine your damn brightest, or be left here to wallow in your frustration and pettiness. Because this chica got places to be and life to experience that doesn't involve your two best friends.

#SaveOurToya

Paging my Life

For the last 3 weeks, I have been running around getting myself ready for my move. I'm pretty sure the staff at the Health Clinic know me pretty well by now. At first I was "the girl with the pretty eyes". Now, I'm "Toya".

There's a lot of stuff that comes with moving abroad. And I'm overwhelmed by the medical checks...

But! That's because I'm going on vacation next week and I want this all to be done and ready to go before I leave!

So, here's what needs to get done (still):

1) Medical (like 2 more appointments before I can submit it, but one more vaccine left)
2) FBI - level background check (finger prints too)
3) Visa (there's no fee, so I'm shook)
4) TESOL Certification  (Even though I already have a TEFL certificate????)
5) Flight (👍✈)
6) Miscellaneous  (For whatever is missing)

So!

While I'm running around getting the rest of this stuff done, I'm also getting prepared for my trip to Hawai'i next week. A personal graduation present to myself for finishing my Master's.

#SaveOurToya

I'm Scared...

You ever get to the point where everything is going well, and then a small thing pops up that can spiral into a well of despair?

Yeah...that's currently where I'm at.

I'm trying to rationalize it and keep my mind on the goal, but what if it doesn't work out? And it's that 'what if' that's freaking me out.

Ugh.

Just keep me in good thoughts while I take May to figure myself out and put out fires.

#SaveOurToya

Reassurances

This is just gonna be a small post....

Yesterday, I received a phone call from my dad. They're not a daily thing, or a weekly thing. Maybe we talk on the phone once a month?

Anyways, as my phone rang, his name lighting up the screen, I got the option to accept or reject the call. I had been in the middle of something, thinking of letting the call go to voicemail, but something prompted me to answer his call. After all, we only talk about once a month on the phone.

"Who else is going to be there with you?"

That question came to me as a shock. I paused. Hesitated. 

"What?"

"Who else will be there with you? Or will you be by yourself?"

I am well aware that the transition between leaving America and moving abroad is going to be a huge transition for him. I lived in France for a month, and that had been a struggle for him. My time in France was not only for me to get the studying abroad experience, but also to have my family get accustom to me not being in the area. 

And now here I am, moving to the other side of the planet for a year, with hopes of an extended stay abroad.

Based on his questioning, he's not ready for this move.

And I respect that. As a father, his youngest child who has always been near him or near family, this is a HUGE change for him.

But, I'm not letting it stop me. I can't.

He may not know this, like, be fully aware of this, but I need to do this. I need to live my life how I want to and always wanted to. I need to spread my wings and explore the unknown!

I will be honest and direct about everything. I told him that I wouldn't know anyone else in my program until I get there. I have no idea where I will be exactly. I could hear his hesitancy over the phone as we spoke.

I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, or he doesn't know how to express himself, but it was important to me that he knew that he could ask me anything. Transparency is probably the most important thing between us these coming months. So, I hope that even if it is making him uncomfortable or quite fearful, that he can talk to me about it.

#SaveOurToya