I Didn't Even Know, tho!

I really didn't.

Now you must be wondering, 'What do you mean you didn't even know? Know what?'

And that's my point exactly. I had no idea what I was doing or going to do. Since birth, it has been ingrained what the appropriate pathway would be.

Please note: I do not agree with the following life style, as everyone has a different way to their end game!

Essentially, the "appropriate" life path goes:

1.  School
2. Secondary School (Bachelor's)
3. Marriage
4. Child
5. Post-grad school, maybe?
6. Retirement

And well, after that is death, but let's not get so sad, shall we?

But yeah, that's the general outline of what your life should look like or follow. But I'm calling BS. That life path might suit some best, but for others, that life can be in a complete different order. (Though, I'm pretty sure that Retirement is at the end. Right? I'm only 24. I haven't really looked into it that much...)

There I was, just graduating high school, going into college for a Bachelor's degree in French, with the goal of becoming a translator. This was a big moment for me. I had plans.

Or so I thought.

Four years later, what I thought my life would look like after graduation was no where near my expectations. I was pretty upset and that carried with me. In fact, it's still with me today. I am afraid that the things I've been working on for the last two years are going to be taken away. I had to change gears. I took it as a sign that perhaps translating isn't where my talents lie elsewhere.

It took about six months, but I changed gears and pursued another interest of mine. In the next week(-ish), I will be walking across the stage during my second graduation ceremony for a Masters in Interdisciplinary Studies with a certification in Gender Studies and second certification in Teaching English as a Foreign Language.

It's hard keeping your head up with all the pressures and expectations from those around you. That's why this post is to show that even though I didn't know what I wanted from life and whether I followed the path of what's right, it's okay. I go at my own time. I go at my own pace. What's important is that I live my best life for me.

Who even knows when I get married and whether I have children. Right now, in my life, my focus is teaching abroad for as long as I can. :)

My future... Not So Pending...

These last four months have been...in a word?

Fucking crazy.

Okay, fine.
In two words.

And looking back, I'm kinda glad it was such a whirlwind of 'WTF' and 'Really? Are you serious?'. Sounds stupid, but I'm better for it. And now, I have the opportunity of a lifetime that I never thought I would actually get.

It's kinda like, when you're a kid (which I was) and you want a million dollars (I still do) just so you can live your life and do whatever you want to do (the dream!), but you know reality is a thing (an actual thing) and just try your best to achieve something (hopefully).

That was me.

I didn't think I would ever get to live one of my dreams. Everything going on in the real world has left me more jaded and cynical of life. It wasn't easy finding people who cared or wanted what's best for you. And it still isn't easy to find them.

But!

Cuz there's always a 'but', you find someone or something that puts a smile on your face. You find value in what you're doing again. You throw your name in a hat, cross your fingers, and try to keep yourself from drowning in your responsibilities.

My support system these last four months were a hodge-podge of people that I do not deserve. I could always find a kind word or a 'really Toya?' when I was spiraling into a fit of dramatics.

No really. Dramatics. I had a whole spiel of how I wouldn't get my degree. Live at my parent's house. Without my cat. Stuck forever where I am.

Throw in some crying emojis and you can get the gist of it.

Here I am. A little under two weeks from graduation, a couple months from moving out of the country, and on my way to living my best life.

It sure as hell wasn't easy. The things that really matter, the things that you want with every part of your actual being, those aren't the easiest to get. You have to fight for it. And you might shed some tears. Some parts might fall in your lap, and others you might have to chase after for a couple of months to get them.

So, yeah. My future? Not so pending anymore.