I'm an Addict

I am an addict.

Every day I think about, you

with your tempting ways.

You make me sway.

I am an addict.

I push against your hold,

but you keep me locked in.

I don't want to sin.

I am an addict.

Seduce me with your promises.

I crave you with never-ending regret.

There's no safety net.

I am an addict.

Not once or twice or thrice.

It's almost like you shine,

that was my last dime.

I am an addict.

These pains make me quake.

You took me to the butcher,

how are you only sugar?

Poetry - Reflection

I look at you from across the room and frankly, I don't like you.

You stare at me with dead begging eyes.

Eyes that won't let me look away.

Clutching tightly to the nasty words we hear every day.

How can you look at me like that?

You know why we're here.

Were you hoping for a happy ever after?

Ha!

Please. How many times have we learned

that we don't deserve it?

One? Two?

No.

Try higher.

It's not that we don't try.

We just don't trust.

Many times we try to work things out.

What you hear and what I see.

But it never works.

You're still depressed

And I'm still confused.

Sometimes though....

Things work out,

it gets easier.

Poetry - 6 months ago

6 months

It was 6 months ago that I came to Korea.

Where I traded in my hello's for 안녀하세요's.

My bread for rice, and my voice for understanding.

6 months

It was 6 months ago where I learned what it meant to be a foreigner

Yes, back home I was a minority,

Yes, back home I was a woman,

Yes, back home I was other.

But here in Korea? I am Other,

with a capital O.

I stick out with my afro hair,

my choco-lusciousness,

my own certain style of flair.

6 months ago

It was 6 months ago that I said good bye to home.

Do you know what it's like to be a minority Other?

Where your life is in the hands of another?

Where you have no say, hoping for a new day?

I thought I came here with open eyes,

but what did I know?

At home, I could do something about my problems.

But here...here I am a 6 month year old infant without a home.

I have no claim.

Nothing is the same.

6 months ago

It was 6 months ago that I hoped to find it.

You know...it;

the flame that lit every relationship, interaction, and thought;

a burning sensation of belonging.

Just when I thought that spark ignited,

the warmth fluttering across my skin like an old friend,

that I am doused in the ice cold waters of the North.

6 months ago

It was 6 months ago that I zipped my suitcase closed

Smiling despite the tears

I was ready to see the world

Make a change in my life

I was brushing away the shackles of defeat and depression

My flame was going to grow to new levels.

6 months ago

It was 6 months ago and I'm standing here

feeling no different than I did the day before.

Poetry - I am tired

It's a struggle being constantly on.
I never stop smiling
I never stop laughing
I just never stop.
Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm happy.
Have you ever stopped
and thought about it?
Why am I happy?
Why did that make me smile?

It's a struggle being constantly on.
I never stop smiling
I never stop laughing
I just never stop.
I've been on for so long,
I don't even remember what it's like being off.
I imagine there's an inner peace,
cradling me in its arms,
whispering softly that everything was gonna be okay.
That I don't have to try so hard
that I can just drift along
and leave my worries outside my four walls.

It's a struggle being constantly on.
I never stop smiling
I never stop laughing
I just never stop.
I want to say that there was a time
when 'on' read as 'off'
and I didn't have to fight my reflection.

It's a struggle being constantly on.
I never stop smiling
I never stop laughing
I just never stop.
Do you know what it means
to constantly be at odds with your Self?
All I want to do is sleep
and know why I laugh.
But every time I try,
pulling my strength from pools
I didn't even know,
something- someONE
steps in my way
And I'm still running,
running,
running- Where am I running?
I don't know.
My legs are tired.
My laugh is tired.
I am tired.

It's a struggle being constantly on.
I never stop smiling
I never stop laughing
I just never stop.