Today, I found myself silenced again.
But instead of some creep trying to assault me, my host family, with all their good intentions, completely disregarded my wishes.
My voice.
This time, I didn't stay quiet.
I've been fighting off a cold/flu thing this last week. And all week, my host family has been urging me to go to the hospital, to which I have politely declined.
"No, I'm good."
"No, thank you."
"No."
I don't think I could have been any clearer in my wishes of not going to the hospital. And yet...I found myself at a hospital this afternoon (12/31), politely rejecting my host mom from making me an appointment.
Fam, they got me all the way to the hospital before I figured out that the appointment wasn't just for host mom, but also me.
It took longer than it should have for host mom to understand that I was not seeing a doctor, no matter how nice she was trying to make it sound.
"Oh, he's really good for a cough."
"Do it for the experience."
"Host dad is worried."
I don't give a damn about a doctor's credentials. I do not want the experience. And I won't be guilt tripped into making a decision I've said I did not want to do. You took my choice away from me. You disregarded my voice on the matter. And you fucking tricked me.
I don't know how often I've told them that I don't go to the hospital for a cold. It's not a matter of pride or having sub-par health insurance, but a matter of cultural differences. For me, a cold means sleeping it off. Not a trip to a hospital.
A cough means I just got over a cold and I'm working on expelling the mucus. Not a trip to a hospital.
I don't know if I've expressed it well enough, but the shit they just pulled?
It was a slap in the face.
I've been told by others that they mean well. Meaning-well is one thing, for which I have nothing against. But disregarding what I've been saying because you think you know better than me, is a completely different story.
See, here's what I seriously don't get. I've mentioned this before, but it bears mentioning again. Why is it, we get all this training about respecting the culture here, but schools and homestays don't get taught to respect our culture? Our thoughts and opinions? Because at the moment, the way I see it, because we're being polite and respectful, we've built this persona that is more or less disregarded by our peers around us. Because they think they know better.
And fine, this is their country. They do know better on how their country works. I can admit I don't get how things work in Korea, and I'm constantly learning new things.
But when it gets to a point where I'm walking out of a hospital pissed, because the people who are supposed to be my "family" have disregarded my wishes, then there's a problem here.
You know what, even when I was completely pissed and extremely tempted to just walk out of the hospital, I still tried my hardest to be respectful and make sure my host mom saved face. Hell, I'm pretty sure I kept that stilted, but polite smile on my face the whole time.
Right now, I honestly don't know how much longer I can stay in a homestay. There are good moments, one's I don't write about, but they exist. They make staying here, a lot of fun. But then things like this happen and it reminds me all over again why I want to have my own place.
#SaveOurToya
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