How's Iowa?

What I see when I'm walking into work

It's good. I've been here for three weeks and I haven't had much room to complain. Except for the cold. I'm not sure how I'm gonna do come winter time, but that's for future!Toya to figure out. Right now, I'm enjoying the first touches of spring hitting the area. I can't wait to see life take a new breath this year.

Yesterday alone I saw downtown come to life as people were out and about, seeing the area, enjoying good food, and even going on bike rides. Seeing the happy cyclists is urging me to buy my own bike!

In fact, I have so many plans going in and out of my head that I've begun to overwhelm myself with everything that I want to do and feel frustrated that I can't do it. The impatience I feel right now...I can't recall a time it's ever been this bad.

My home~

This new life I'm leading is nothing like the other times I've had to start over somewhere new. Thanks to my parents, I'm no stranger to it. I've lived on three different continents in four different countries in my 26 years, but I've moved a lot more than that. I'd have to say that I've moved about 10 times, but this latest move has me in a jumble of wants and needs.

But my training at work leaves me exhausted and unwilling.

And there had been the jetlag....

And the no furniture for two weeks....

And my parents visiting....

And the whole 'moving so you're gonna spend a lot of money and should be aware of how LITTLE you have for play time'...

I suppose I should be thankful that my training is telling me to 'calm down'. It has allowed me to get all of the necessary adulting in order. Like my license plate, driver's license, my bills (so pricey!), and establishing my work schedule.

My first view of Iowa

Getting my routine down has helped settle me into my new place better than anything else. It's allowed me to ignore the ache in my heart up until very recently.

In the last 48-ish hours, I've come to the jarring realization that I left a piece of myself in Korea. The part of me that felt like I came home to a place I never knew was...well, home. During my time in Korea, I never felt the culture shock we were told to keep an eye out for. I felt at home almost immediately.

And at that time, I barely knew a thing about Korea except my favorite kdrama and singers.

It's no surprise that after living there for a year and a half that a piece of myself stayed behind.

But you know what else? This isn't the first time I felt like a piece of myself was left behind in a far away land. The first time was when I left Germany, and every time after.

Maybe that's why I cling so tightly to my German heritage when I'm in America. Why I refused to lose my German even a little bit. It's been a long time since I lived in Germany, with only a couple visits back, but it's easier on me to be away. Those departures came knowingly, not abruptly like it did for me to move here.

I found out I was leaving Korea a week before it happened. I didn't have time to prepare myself or even acknowledge that I left. This disconnect is a lot more sensitive...raw.

That being said, I am still looking forward to this new journey.

#SaveOurToya

Teacher No Mo'

That's right.

I'm not a teacher anymore.

I'm finally going to start my dream as a federal employee! Yeah, you read that right.

I got a federal job~!

Starting February 18th, 2020...I will be a HR Specialist.

When I graduated high school, the goal was to be a French/German/English translator. The me of then had no idea that not only would my language goals change, but that I would be a teacher.

I don't think I ever thought I would be a teacher.

And yet, here I am.

Well...was.

After I finished my last class, I felt...relieved. Teaching takes a lot of time and effort that you notice...and don't notice. And now, it's finally done.

I think it helps that my next adventure is actually in the realm of what I have actual work experience in. The same work experience that had me pursue the Master's that I did. It's a good feeling that I have.

I'm happy.

Just a few more days now...

#SaveOurToya

Be Fearless

I've gone back and forth on how to announce this. Should I just tell people as it pops up in conversation? Should I make a post on Facebook and call it a day. Should I only tell..etc.

Silly me.

I forgot I had a blog.

How did I forget? Well...I've been really busy that it slipped my mind.

It happens, okay?

I'd like to see anyone turn their life on its head and try to remember to keep everything straight.

That being said...

I am officially announcing that I have accepted a position stateside and that my time in Korea will come to an end on Feb 15th, 2020.

Below are some Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) that have been thrown my way recently:

What does this mean? You, leaving?
It means I have one week to finish out the school year (which ends Feb 14), inform my school, pack up my apartment into 2 checked bags (50lbs ea.), say goodbye to friends, find an apartment, go through reverse culture shock, make an extra effort in my Korean studies, and who knows what else.

Through this process, as I have 5 days left until I leave, I've begun to see the realness in some people. For some it's not pretty, and for others, it's a warm feeling. Either way, it's a bitter-sweetness.

Why are you accepting the position?
Because the position I was offered is my dream position.

Where are you moving to? Back to Florida?
Haha, no. Florida and I have decided to see other people, but it was a mutual break up. I am moving to Iowa. I hear they have snow there these days?

What will you be doing?
Stuff.

What does your family think of you doing this?
They're happy for me. As in, very happy.

How does your school feel?
As in all of them? I don't know. I informed my VP this past Friday and she was very happy for me. My coteacher found out later that same day. (For anyone who is thinking of breaking contract, unless the relationship you established between your VP and coteacher is a dynamic where you go to the VP first, please don't do this. You will undermine your coteacher and it may cause you more stress as you prepare to go home.)

My coteacher is happy for me as well, but she has also told me that my departure saddens her. Besides my VP, she and her husband were the first people I met from my school/town. And it is sad to think that I won't see them anymore.

As for my students and the rest of the school staff. I'm not sure when they'll find out...but this last week promises to be an emotional one either way.

Did the racism at your school drive you to leave?
No, but it did help in saying 'yes' to the offer.

When did you start job searching?
In an effort to get started in finding a job for my return in July, I had started job searching at the end of November/beginning of December. The position I wanted is limited and doesn't stay posted for long. I wanted to have my best shot at hopefully obtaining at least a couple of interviews during my second semester.

Surprise of all surprises, I was called for an interview in late December. I was doubtful that I would get the position. After all...It's been a while since I did the whole interview song and dance. Plus, it was a phone interview from Korea. I was 3 hours passed my bed time before I was done. Sleepy interviews and out of practice aside, I must've done something right to look favorable to this office.

Are you excited?
Very much so! But I'm still in a bit of shock that it's happening.

What are you going to do in Iowa?
Figure that out in Iowa, BUT my parents, brother, and some friends have already informed me of what I can do.

I'm pretty sure they're all more excited than I am....

What about Korea?
When I said it was a hard decision to make the other day, I wasn't kidding. Korea was another dream of mine. But in the limited time that I had in making my decision, I realized my time in Korea has more or less come to an end. I was falling back into a pattern of suffering in certain areas of my time here. I was hiding my hurts behind the good and enough was enough.

It would be better if I left Korea with a fond memory and not a struggling one. Which was a fear I had.

Did you tell your school you were facing racism?
I did not.

And here's why. It was easier to go through the day without acknowledging it, then to bring it up. There's a delicate balance here that one constantly fights to keep. When it comes to English, I am considered an expert. But when it comes to social aspects, I'm simply the foreigner and just don't understand how Korean culture works.

I'll tell you this. If it's one thing a Korean national who LOOKS Korean will never understand it's what it is like as a foreigner within their own culture. Like I said...it's a delicate balance and this one person isn't worth the trouble.

Will you miss it?
Of course.

Will you go back?
Yes. I hope to come back in 2025 for vacation. 😎😆

What will happen to your blog?
Nothing??? Just because I leave Korea, doesn't mean my story ends. Sure...this blog was started in the spirit of recording my time here, but it's become much more since then. It's become a place where I am honest with myself and my experiences. My e-diary that I don't mind sharing.

How's your packing?

#SaveOurToya

Big Decision are BIG

I'm about to make one of the biggest decisions I've ever had to make.

This morning, I saw an email in my inbox that told me I had 24 hours to make a decision. Not a lot of time, and I doubt I'll have some saving grace like they do in the movies.

Yesterday, I was ecstatic.

Today, I'm troubled.

Or...at least I was.

I hope no one at work can tell that I was crying this morning.

I really, really hate decisions like this. You know, between the rock and the hard place...it's not a fun place to be.

But it's the place that I'm in and it's a harsh reality that took me blind this morning. I didn't know which was up and down. My head was saying one thing and my heart was tugged between two other things, not even in the mood to listen to my head. And the whole time, the rest of my body went through it's morning routine.

Get up.
Get dressed.
Morning walk.
Get ready for work.
Eat breakfast

After I finished eating, I recognized I was about to fall into a panic attack. I found it in myself to reach out to my friends first.

My first phone call helped calm me down.

After that, my dad called. (At some point, I had informed my family.)

And during that phone call...I began to cry. I couldn't hold it back. My body was reaching critical levels and was already beginning to shut down. It was not having this.

Yet...my dad was able to get me thinking straight again. His calmness and perspective restarted my systems or rebooted them. Whatever you wanna call it, I was no longer crying over my phone curled up on the floor of my kitchen.

We made an outline of what needs to be done.

A game plan.

Even though I still feel raw and not 100%, I know the decision I'm going to make.

Unfortunately...that decision will leave me in tears as well.

#SaveOurToya

It's Back! And I'm not Ready. ㅠㅠ

"Adulting? Ugh."

You know what I hate? Job searching.

The process itself is straight forward enough.

1) Look at vacancy/job announcements
2) Submit a resume to the hiring official
3) Go to an interview
4) Get a job

Straight forward, right?

And yes, I do know it's a bit more intricate than just those 4 steps, but that's my point. In and of itself, the whole process, if you were to be selected, can be boiled down to these 4 steps.

However, what makes the process an Everest to traverse is the fact that these 4 steps have SO. MANY. SUB-STEPS.

1 - Look at Vacancy/Job Announcements
Yes, you're looking at job postings, but what on Earth are all these acronyms? Who can understand your acronyms? People who already work for you?

But what about the new talent you want to hire?

These acronyms may mean something to them, but let's be honest, we shouldn't be relying on possibilities. Only certainties. And I am certain that not everyone who looks at these job announcements knows what your alphabet soup means.

Let's also not forget that we have to check if we even qualify for the position. Some of these postings should just say what they're not looking for. It would make the whole process a lot easier.

After wading and filtering through all these job postings, hopefully transcribing the duties correctly sans a Rosetta Stone, and almost 100%, but it's more like a solid 83%, certainty you qualify for the position, you pull out your resume.

2 - Submit resume to hiring official
Oh no, wait.

You can't submit your resume. Not with it looking like that!

You gotta tailor it for the that job or that company of that astrological sign of the cat two countries over who hasn't been born yet.

What?

Exactly.

Since no one really knows what they're doing with their resume; they go to an 'expert' or someone who's more experienced in the job searching life and ask for help.

One person will say, "whatever you do, stick to one page".

Okay, fine.

Another will say, "be detailed, but curt. Just don't leave anything out".

...sure...alright...makes sense?...

And then, my favorite, "just write one full master resume that is completely detailed down to when you take a breath during work, so you can then just make a one-page, detailed, but curt resume for whatever position you're applying for".

...

Oh! Ohhhh! And let's not forget, "oh, you mean you're not [whatever position the person assumes you're applying for or may be better suited for]? Then you have to follow completely different rules!"

*flips a table*

Step 1 already had your questioning the meaning to life, but hey, just in case you were still feeling confident, your resume will be sure to solidify your self-doubt.

But okay, you have your resume as good as it's going to get. And it looks pretty impressive, that you very much. You ask how the company would like for you to submit your resume, and they ask you to rewrite it into their own application system and reiterate everything you just put your blood, sweat, and tears intro.

This step is one of the hardest steps to accomplish. Because whether you qualify for a position or not, you can apply for it regardless. You can always make it to step 2.

However, getting pass step 2 to step 3 requires your step 2 to be executed to the hiring official's liking.

Note: I did not say 'perfect'. Only, to their liking.

Say, you nailed it, and you got a phone call or email saying, "congrats boo-boo, we wanna talk to you!"

(I am well aware no hiring official will contact you in such an unprofessional manner, but clearly this whole post has included a comedic element to it since the beginning, so deal.)

3 - Go to an interview

Oh dear lord.

THE INTERVIEW.

And not the movie with Seth Rogen and James Franco.

I think the hardest part about step 3 is remembering that you've alraedy proved yourself in some way to the hiring official. Be it that you wrote your resume in a way that mattered or something else, something stood out. The official is interested.

They swiped right on you.

You matched.

And oh my god they even contacted you for a date.

Not only are you flipping out that you were selected, you have to pick out an outfit, figure out how you're going to get to the interview, figure out your personal life, and try not to sound full of yourself.

Ugh.

Yes, the interview is about me, but also no.

If you're like me,you're hella nervous and you forget everything. You forget what three words best describe you, where you see yourself in 5 or 10 years, and second guessing if you'd even be good at this job.

Again, you were like 83% sure you qualified and even thought the cat from two countries over wasn't born yet, your guessed Pieces.

Thus, the interview blurs by and you hope you sounded like ah educated professional you know you are. Whatever happens now...it's officially out of your hands.

4 - Get a job
If you made it this far, not having to restart because you didn't hear back or decided the job didn't suit you or the company told you 'mmm, let's just stay friends', then we still ain't finished.

You get the offer, but you have so much flying through your head!

What do?

Do I need to respond now? Do I even want this job? Do I have to relocate if I do? Am I paying for my relocation? What was this position's duties even about? Can I get a raise?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Look, the point I'm trying to make here: I've begun job searching.

Again.

#SaveOurToya