It Goes With Saying

During a discussion about what to get for my school while on a business trip to Taiwan, I accidentally read my friend's message wrong.

What the message said: Yeah, that should be enough.

What I read: You should be enough.

For a hot minute I felt a profound sense of happiness overcome me to the point I almost started blushing in happiness. However, my brain quickly corrected that interpretation.

Silly me, for reading that wrong.

When I told my friend what happened, they told me 'that goes without saying'.

Between calculating how much money I would need to exchange and whether I was an idiot for leaving my American credit card at home, I began to think if phrases like 'you should be enough' truly do go without saying? Could it be that this unspoken norm has damaged society over the years?

Has it damaged me?

I mean, let's think about it.

In its most simplest form, hearing good things about you isn't a bad thing. I would say it's a good thing. For a few seconds there, I felt good about myself. But then, that part of me that doesn't believe in myself, automatically reread my friend's statement and I realized I read wrong. I wasn't being complimented. The amount of money I wanted to exchange was being complimented.

-sigh-

I don't want to weigh my self-worth on the amount of compliments I've received, because it isn't about what other's see in me. It's about what I see in me, but when I'm not sure what it is I should be seeing, a second opinion never hurts.

Until it does.

Being in Korea, I've had my weight made fun of. My skin color has been labelled as dirty. My hair characterized as wild.

The only compliments I've received were in the area of my acne clearing up and my voice sounding like a movie star.

Whereas in the states, I was praised on my work ethic and ability to be empathetic. It's no surprise that I consider these two qualities as my strongest? In fact, I went and got a Master's Degree where I could combine them as a career option for myself.

My quick thinking and adaptability made me competent on the soccer field. My coach and other teammates told me that they liked how I played. After nine years, I'm not the last pick when I play a soccer pick-up game. In fact, my mother told me that had I had the heart in the sport, I probably would be on a professional team. And if I was on a professional team, you know damn well that I would go for a national team.

Just saying.

Would I have gone down a different path had I been complimented in other areas? If my passion would've been stoked more toward soccer or if I had been told my math skills were fantastic as well, instead of teaching English, I could be a professional soccer player who does research within the areas of sociological diligence.

Unfortunately, the past cannot be changed.

What I do have control over is my present and my future.

I have begun complimenting myself when I come across situations that make me uneasy or my anxiety holds me hostage. And good lord are those compliments hard to say, but that's when I need to hear them the most.

I can't rely on someone else to praise me. I need to believe more in myself anyway.

Remember when I mentioned I was going to Taiwan for a workshop? Here are some truths that I've been trying to overcome these last two months in preparation for Taiwan.

1. Many times I wanted to decline going. I do not think I will make a good impression due to all my nerves. I'm making things burdensome for my school.

2. Many times I felt financially unbalanced. In my goal to save money this year, I've been hit with a few purchases in the last month that has left me not meeting my target goals. And while I'm not paying for a majority of this trip, I still worry that I'll spend more money than I need too.

3. Many times I had to remind myself to be social while in Taiwan. I wouldn't say that I am at hermit levels of being social, I still tend to shy away from large crowds or being social at a normal level. I've been working hard on this, but I still have my backslides. I didn't want one to happen while in Taiwan.

4. Many times I needed to tell myself that I earned this opportunity. And while I'm not sure what part of my Fulbright profile made me qualify for this opportunity, something stood out to the Commission. I just only wish I knew what it was.

It was during these many times that I would tell myself a compliment.

1. I am smart.

2. I am strong.

3. I am amazing.

4. I am worthy.

Each time, it got easier to get through the negative. My voice got firmer.

It goes without saying?

No. It goes with saying.

#SaveOurToya

56km later...

I have made the "wild" decision of walking from my school to my apartment.

Doesn't sound like a big deal, does it?

Well, my school is three towns over from the town where my apartment stands tall. It's about a ten minute car ride, but by foot...it's a little under two hours.

It's a wee bit of a walk.

And by wee bit, I mean a little over 8km (~5 miles).

But! Despite my legs and feet being angry with me by the time I get home, I don't really regret the walk. It's nice to just walk in nature, which is almost what I'm doing. Just on a paved road...with cars passing by...rather closely...God, I wished there were more sidewalks in rural Korea.

I digress.

Nature! So, I get to walk along the foot of many mountains as I make my way back to Geochang, seeing the Korean countryside for realsies. All those glimpses I get when on a bus or carpooling with my host mom has prevented me from really getting a real look of the Korean rural life.

Apparently, that also means my student's parents see me walking on the side of the road. I wonder how long it'll take until all my students know and they start questioning me on my sanity? I mean, more than usual.

A lot of the staff are so quick to stop and offer me a ride when they see me on the side of the road. The thought that I willingly walk back to Geochang is mindblowing.

Therefore, I even took the time to take pictures on my walk. I hope you enjoy the views as much as I did!

#SaveOurToya

Kicked Them Out

This is the day I kicked two students out of my classroom.

#SaveOurToya

Baker's Table - A Restaurant Review...sorta

One of the goals I made for myself this grant year was to find a German restaurant in South Korea. While I know how to make most German dishes that I crave from time to time, sometimes I just want someone else to cook. That's right, I admit it. I like being lazy.

Big shocker.

A couple of weeks ago, I found a place called Baker's Table. It had a pretty intensive menu that put a smile on my face and a dinner date in my planner. 

Finally the day came. I was so excited! I found some time before my meeting to scope out where the place would be, so I could head straight there after my meeting and make the most of it before catching my bus.

I don't think I can convey just how much I needed this to be a good moment for me.

No, not good.

It needed to be wonderful, exciting...brilliant.

When I finally stepped foot into the place, I...was kinda disappointed. 

In a single glance around the place, I noticed it was packed to the point of being uncomfortable. Which meant, there would be a long wait.

Really long.

I would miss my bus, long.

You know, big picture here...with the week that I had, I wasn't too surprised that this wasn't working out for me either. Disappointed, but not surprised.

Instead of focusing on the crippling disappointment and crying in a room full of strangers, I decided to grab some stuff from their bakery and then take off. It'll give me the chance to pop into a clothing store I've been eyeing (OKBT) before heading to the Nambu Bus Terminal.

Sometimes, I'm really thankful that my brain can make rational decisions while the rest of me is trying to figure out which way was up. 

I'll have to try again another day, but...at least their baked goods were rather delicious. Which I had to wait about ten minutes to get together. 

Here are some pictures of the bakery:

#SaveOurToya

Curious about the week I had? I recommend reading the following posts: Lost, Permanency, and Train Naps. They all happened within a week's time marks one of the roughest weeks I've had in 2018.

JjimjilBAD

When the jjimjilbang turns into a jjimjilBAD.

Y'all...the experience was so bad that when I "woke up" today, I needed to get outta there ASAP. Muy rapido. No looking back. Gone. Bye.

I cannot make any of this up. 

So, let me tell you what happened. (T, here's the story in my own words!)

Oh! And before I forget, this is all from my perspective. There were seven other people who have perspectives of what happened. And we all unanimously agreed without saying anything the next day, 'WTF was our night?'

I was at the lantern festival this year, which was lit. (This pun must be overused by now...?) Gigantic lanterns that depicted different symbols, stories, or points in history (Jinju's electricity bill must be very high during this time of the year...).  There was lots of food, lots of people, lots of fun! 

We all had a great time!

Then it came down to figuring out where we were staying. As you know, I had a great time at a Korean Bathhouse while in Daegu, so I was keen to do the same in Jinju. Cheap, fun, and relaxing.

Which would've been a great ending to our day in Jinju.

But uh...that's not how it worked out.

I'm still not sure if I'll be able to explain it exactly, because it was one of those: "you had to be there" moments. So bear with me as I list things out.

1) We couldn't find where we were going.

2) There was a creepy alleyway we had to walk down. For the record, the fact that there was five of us may deter some people from attacking us, but not all. 

3) The price was $10 for the night, which yay! Saving money! And okay, maybe at this point you're like, only $10 Toya? Don't you think that should've told you what was going to happen? You know, besides the alleyway? My answer: hush, I'm not done.

4) The pjs they gave me didn't fit. As you know, Asians tend to fall on the more...smaller side. But I got curves and those shorts did not fit. (Meanwhile, they're all concerned about the shirt not fitting, ha!)

5) The baths were closed, ugh. But the showers were available, yay! At this point, I'm like, 'alright, cool. We can shower, lay down, sleep, eat some snacks, whatever, and get in the baths in the morning'. Oh how wrong was I.

6) No snacks. At all.

7) No mats for the floor. I was sleeping on solid tile. No wait. We got blankets, so that was nice. But I had to either sleep straight on the tile with the blanket covering me, or sleep on the tile and be exposed to the air. I could've gotten a second blanket, but I was too tired to get up, and my injuries were flaring badly.

8) I missed four chapters in my audiobook. 

9) The lights were on in the sleeping area???

Wow, we're already at nine and I haven't even gotten to the 'best' part. And again...I seriously cannot make this up.

10) I'm finally asleep, or at least dozing. If I had been left alone, I would've woken up at least somewhat functioning. Instead, I was startled awake by some snoring. Loudly. 

11) Snoring? Okay, I can handle snoring. Not my first snorer. But then there was a second one who snored when the other one was breathing. There was just enough break in between the snores to keep you from sleeping.

12) Farting. Next came farting. 

13) There was the overachiever who farted and snored simultaneously too.

14) An older couple having a late night chat near our area because why not. They have nothing better to do around 2AM. Besides sleeping, but ha! Who needs that? Clearly no one in the jjimjilbang last night.

Okay, so at this point, its maybe 3AM? And I somehow found a way to doze off again. I thought that would be it.

It wasn't.

15) Some old man came into our area, which was kind of sectioned off from the other areas, and started yelling at us. In Korean. I had no idea what was going on, but at this point I figured this man was drunk and thought, 'hey, maybe if we ignore him, he'll go away'. But apparently, no. I found out later someone in my group made eye contact with him and that's why he stayed for a good moment...yelling...in Korean. Once he finally left, someone that I knew but didn't know joined us until then (like 3 more Fulbright ETAs joined our area) asked, "What did he say?". Apparently it was, "shut the hell up! I'm trying to sleep!" 

What fucking irony. So was I.

16) He didn't stop. He went around for a good while this morning, yelling at people who were snoring. He stopped after he had a rather lengthy and LOUD conversation with one of the snoring victims. That was around 4AM. So nice of them.

17) At 6AM, I gave up on sleeping and just sat up and waited for more people to give up on the lost cause that was sleep.

Then in the next three hours, the first few people in our group got up to leave. Then another. Then myself and one other person. Two people stayed still, but I'm sure they left not too long after us. We were all just done. 

Personally, my thoughts were along the lines of 'get me the fuck out of this city'.

Now, don't get me wrong. Jinju was a great place! Cute cafe that I went to twice, delicious food, and a fantastic lantern festival that's worth going to!

Just the...jjimjilbang was much to be desired. 

The experience was such a turnoff that instead of taking the direct bus to my town, I went directly to Daegu instead. I just...really needed to leave.

One day, I'll be back in Jinju. And if I'm spending the night, it won't be at a jjimjilbang. Either a hotel or airbnb. 

18) You thought the list was done. That's cute. Okay, so I'm in Daegu now. Which I've gotten pretty familiar with. We had brunch at the cutest place and ended up seeing Christopher Robin in theaters. Sounding good right? But then, I get grabbed by some old guy as I walk by him. 

Not sexually.

He just grabbed my arm.

As if he had the right to put his hands on me.

(Which he fucking does not.)

19) And then on the subway to the bus terminal in Daegu...some random old man started shouting. Unprovoked, I found out a few seconds later. And he just kept shouting for six stops. This time, I had no one to translate for me, so I can't tell you what he said, BUT! Some of the people around him either got uncomfortable or laughed it off. 

Wait.

Let me correct that.

The women got uncomfortable. The men laughed it off.

SO!

After what I thought would be a relaxing few hours in Daegu, ended up being not so relaxing.

At all.

The second I got home, I fell into bed and didn't move until dinner time. 

Lesson planning could wait.

#SaveOurToya

If you wanna keep up with the shenanigans I find myself in, please subscribe to my blog to get the notifications! 

PS. Festival, cafe, and brunch pictures will be uploaded on a separate post.

Week 14 - What do you mean it gets COLDER?

Basically everyone around me, telling me about the weather.

 I've been told that winter was coming.

 Brah, it is 5-degrees Celsius outside.
 (41-degrees Fahrenheit)

 What do you mean it gets COLDER??????

 It's barely October! And yet here I am, wearing long-everything, scarf, jacket, and a hat, wondering why I'm still cold. I'm about to experience a literal winter and I am not ready.

But don't get me wrong. I am excited for a few things this coming season. Like...snow~!

Having lived in Florida for 14-ish years, snow isn't something you see in person. Not really. And without knowing, I embraced the Floridian life quite a bit. Heat and sunshine? I know how to handle that pretty well. I still complain, but that's because it's still hot.

So yes, snow!

Had a dream this week that I saw gigantic snow flakes in front of my face. More than likely that dream was sparked by how cold its been getting, but hey. Snowflakes the size of my face? They're beautiful.

Who knew I was so artistic when I slept?

I'm also very interested to see how South Korea handles winter here. Such as, what foods pop up? Music? What about fashion? Will work/school have snow days? I mean, it's already different since I have most of Janurary off for the winter holidays, but work all of December. For me, that's a bit backwards, but I'm taking a wild guess that it's even colder in Janurary?

As the days grow colder, I will be getting my hands on hot teas and cocoa, thick blankets, and my package from home that has all my winter stuff in it. Like boots, socks (the fuzzy kind. What are we, plebs?), sweaters, and my wintercoat.

Word of warning to anyone moving to Korea and is stuck with the 2 suitcase rule as I was. You can have your winter clothes shipped (if you come during the summer and it's a literal heatwave in constant effect). Just make sure of one thing. If you're accustom to a more tropical climate, and lived in a place known for its sunshine, make sure your package gets to you within the first week of October. Because September will betray your trust in the coldest of ways that keeps getting colder.

If you wanna keep up with the shenangians that I find myself in, please hit the 'FOLLOW' button on the right!

#SaveOurToya

13 Days Later...

It's been a while! 

Guess who's back~!


C'est moi!

That's right everyone, I am back. And crazily, on the thirteenth day...

As far as I'm concerned, that's not an unlucky number, especially since it's October. Goes well with the theme, don't you think?

I hope you've all taken care of yourselves while I've been away? If not, let's talk! My time away has given me breath and space that has helped me reach a calmer inner peace. A lot has happened, and over the next coming days, I hope to put up posts about most of it!

But first, I want to bring attention to my Thank You post. It's just a small thank you to everyone who reached out to me while I was away. That's really all I'm going to say on the matter as the post itself is rather self-explanatory.

I plan to update this post with links to the other posts that will reflect what happened while I was on my hiatus. And if any of you follow my Insta, I'm sure you have an idea of what I've been up to!  Everything will be linked below~!

I have just one more thing to say.

It feels good to be back.

Please click the 'FOLLOW' button on the right to get updates on my latest shenanigans in Korea.

#SaveOurToya

9/26 - Hiatus
9/28 to 30 - Seoul and the Hospital
10/3 - The Mini-Break
10/6 - Busan

That time I went to Busan

An unexpected trip that just coincided with the Busan International Film Festival. The host family and I went on a road trip to Busan, which was an unexpected trip. But hey, when you have a four day weekend, may as well, right?

There's nothing crazy noteworthy I want to talk about. 

I am simply thankful that my host family wanted to take me with them and I was able to bond with my host sisters more. They don't live at home since they live in different parts of the country, but it's always a fun time when we're all together.

But I did realize something...now that I think about it. There is definitely a lot more Korean flying around that I'm not able to participate in. I felt more isolated than normal, but I know that wasn't their intention. I tend to be quiet just in general and I don't expect them to do everything in English just because I couldn't participate. I found my inclusions in other ways.

They always checked in with my injury, since there was a lot of walking. If I wandered off a little too far, someone would always make an effort to wait with me. There were even times when they would ask about how something works in America or how to say something in English. 

And whenever we ran into another Fulbright ETA (which happened both days we were there), they would ask me about them.

It was on this trip, that I was reminded that I needed to look at the small actions of others. Because sometimes, that's what they're able to do during that time.

I hope you enjoy the pictures!

If you wanna keep up with my latest shenanigans, please hit the 'FOLLOW' button on the right to get updates!

#SaveOurToya