The Aftereffects

Trigger Warning: mass shootings, feelings being validated, emotional rambling on triggering topic
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Nose clogging.

Throat throbbing.

Eyes watering.

Head aching.

And yet, its the latest news about a mass shooting in a California bar that is making it hard for me to breath. Guys, I don't know where this naive thought came from, but for whatever reason, I thought that once I came to Korea, I'd stop hearing about shootings.

No more heart stopping news.

No more breath quickening to painful levels.

No more.

Joke's on me, I guess.

I'm recovering from a fever right now, not having the most comfortable of week, and it pales in comparison to how I feel.

I am well aware that the topic of mass shootings is a sensitive topic for me. The fact that a fellow Fulbrighter had asked how to broach the topic of mass shootings in America for their Korean students had me tensing, sweating, and breath quickening. It was hint enough that this was a topic that triggered me.

And here's what I recognize.

This is something I need to work through, but I'm not ready to talk nor do I know where to begin. Do I start with the school drills I learned in school for whenever there was a shooter on campus? Or do I start with the attempted mass shooting at my university during my undergrad days? Or the false alarm during grad school? What about Pulse? Parkland?

I keep having to stop typing. My fingers keep stalling.

During the recovery in Orlando after Pulse, I heard from various sources that it's okay to feel what you feel. That your feelings are valid.

That my feelings are valid.

But...maybe its because I'm not surrounded by the community that knew what it was like, or because I've been lulled into a bubble of safety since moving here, but its been getting harder to stay steady whenever I hear about a shooting.

Of all the things to have to prepare myself for with my move, finding support for moments like these was not something I thought I had to do.

I'm working through these emotions, I am.

But it's not easy....hell, writing this post was not easy. I mentioned that I had to stop typing many times. My fingers were literally tensing and causing me to hit the wrong keys. It doesn't help that my thoughts are all over the place and stringing one thought together was so hard.

Partly because of the fever, but mostly because of this topic.

This post was/is more for me than it was for you, I admit. An attempt at putting it all down. Granted, I'm doing better now than I did when I first started this post.

If only it were that easy to move past this.

#SaveOurToya

The Day-to-Day Shenanigans

I know you're all waiting to hear where I've been placed, but I promise, there will be a post up on Sunday! Promise. 😸

I'm here to talk about another topic. Let's talk daily life, shall we?

I'm sure many of you are curious about what I actually get up to on the day to day. Spoilers: it's programming/Korean classes.

To get started, my day generally starts at 6am...

...well, I realize I'm no longer sleeping and its a new day. My roommate is generally still sleeping, so I tend to snooze for the next hour-ish or so. I generally get out of bed sometime between 7am and 7h30am.

Breakfast starts at 7h45am, so I tend to show up a few minutes after. We have about 20mins to finish breakfast and then head over to our classroom building. It's the next building over from the dorm and class starts at 8h15am.

Korean Language Instruction (KLI) lasts until 12h15pm. Which means, I am in a classroom for 4 hours, learning Korean. Which isn't too bad. We get ten minute breaks at each hours. And 선생님 (the teacher) has been really fun and very informational! It's been great.

Lunch starts at 12h15pm and ends at 1h15pm. But our last hour of KLI starts at 1h15pm, so I tend to leave around 1pm.

Teaching and/or culture workshops start around 2pm. We also may or may not have a General Meeting as well. We get a lot of information between 2 and 5pm, generally.

Dinner starts at 5pm and goes until 6h30pm.

After that, we tend to have free time, or we go to office hours for extra help with Korean. Personally, I go on my evening walk and tour the area we are in. I've been getting some nice pictures these last couple of days. I'll have to make more of an effort to upload pictures!

Essentially, expect a separate post of evening pictures and another for my meals I have been having! Because the meals that Yonsei University has been giving us have been fantastic. You guys might be jealous.

Unless you're someone in my cohort reading this. If so...heeeyyyyyy Fam~!

If you guys want to hear about anything of my experience here, leave a comment and I'll make a post about it! Please don't hesitate. If my experience can help you learn more about Korea or answer questions before you come here, please-please-please-please!, reach out!

#SaveOurToya

Guess What...

At the end of the month, I will be holding my first lesson. Together with another ETA, we will be holding a small lesson (by small, I mean 45 mins in length) and I am excited and nervous at the same time!

Ugh, this feeling is lowkey frustrating!!!!

Having never taught a class and using what skills I've picked up while getting my TEFL certificate and certification in TESOL, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my partner and I will be fantastic and awesome. 😎

Which we totally are.

But...nerves are normal and natural. Just...gotta...get to the point where I'm in the classroom and doing the thing.

The teaching thing.

...!

In other news, I hope to take part in all of the activities outside of the classroom that FEP will be holding in addition. These kids sound like an awesome bunch already.

And who knows! Might end up teaching one of them one day...

Keep your fingers crossed for me~!

#SaveOurToya

The Nerves are Here

Oh my gaaaawwwwdddd.

I'm so energized that I can't even sleep. I got maybe, maybe, 3 hours of sleep. And all because I fell asleep watching TV (I seriously need to rewatch that episode of GoT).Waking up on the couch was really startling.

So yes. Energized with a sleepless-ish night!

*takes a deep breath*

I leave for the airport in 6 hours...

...it's almost here and I'm feeling all the emotions. Excitement-anxiety. Happiness-fear. Joy-sad.

The only emotion I'm not feeling is anger. There's no room for that hot mess.

It's five am, I could be do something more productive than trolling on Facebook while listening to showtunes. I mean, I just have a few small things left to pack and that's only because I need them to get ready in the morning.

Sorry for the disjointed thoughts here. I'm a bit all over right now!

#SaveOurToya

Bye Bye UCF

It is 7:46am as I write this post and all because this morning, it really hit me. 😕

This is my last day at the University of Central Florida. I've been here for so long (7 years!) that it's kind of surreal. In the summer of 2011, I started working part time in the College of Sciences' Dean's Office. In the fall, I started undergrad. A year later, I was working full-time and going to school. By 2016, I had my B.A. and started graduate school, while still being employed at the university.

I've worked in three separate and vastly different departments on campus. And from each area, did I learn something new about myself.

These last seven years...I really can't put a word to it. I am thankful and honored for all of the people who I've met and while some of the experiences were less than ideal, I am better for it. There are so many people I want to give shout-outs to, but you all know who you are. If we've ever interacted, even as little as 'hi', thank you!

Now, it is July 2018, I am a two-time graduate of UCF, about to move abroad, and am only 24 years old. I think I'm doing this 'adulting' thing right. We can compare notes^^

It's been an adventure UCF, but gurl bye. 😘

#SaveOurToya