My Mini Vacation

It's the end of January 2020, and let's all be honest with ourselves...this first month had a lot of surprises.

Probably the most constant on people's minds right now: the Coronavirus

Affectionately called, the beer virus.

Okay, fine!

No one calls it that except for me. (Maybe...?)

I can't be the only one who thought "...like the beer?" when they first heard of it.

As a reminder, there's a lot of misinformation floating around between Karen on Facebook, clickbait headlines, and word of mouth. Your best sources during this 'international public health emergency' is the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). I've also included a video below from Dr. Mike where he talks about the truth of Coronavirus as of January 28th, 2020. He cites his sources and he's a qualified, practicing doctor in New York, USA.

It's been a few days since this video was released and more information about the virus is being learned. Like Dr. Mike said, 'be alert, not anxious'.

This virus was a bit of a concern for me as I was actually traveling as the news was breaking. On Jan 18th, 2020, I was boarding my flight to Florida to visit my parents. I hardly told anyone of my trip as it was originally supposed to be a surprise for my parents.

And while I did tell them on Christmas, I still kept it to a small group of people. While I owe no one an explanation as to why I kept it secret, I still felt I needed to explain myself.

So listen up.

My trip home was not to meet and greet. It was to see my parents. Period.

That's it.

If I ran into people I knew, that's great. If not, well...that's fine. I shouldn't have been stateside to begin with.

I spent 10 days stateside where I learnt something about myself that I hadn't expected.

Florida...I think we should see other people.

That's right! I am breaking up with Florida. During those 10 days, I remembered what it was like living there and while good memories were there, so were the bad.

This last year and a half has changed me for the better and Florida...Florida hasn't changed at all. The me now, can't live where the me of the past was.

While some may be sadden to hear this, it is simply my truth. I will not ignore my truth and will take steps to ensure my continued happiness is number one as I make preparations for my return to America.

Wild...isn't it?

I'm on my last 6 months in Korea...before my trip home...it didn't feel real. The fact that I am leaving in a few months. Since I landed, I now hear the clock ticking down.

It was time I started getting everything ready for my return home, while enjoying everything that is Korea.

As always,
#SaveOurToya

High Beginner...I guess?

A while ago, I wrote about reaching a goal point in my language learning. I also mentioned that I was starting up my Korean classes again.

I am officially two weeks into my classes and I already scored 100% on my first test.

My reward: getting popcorn at the movies tonight.

But I didn't just stop at signing up for classes. I also made a language exchange partner! We've met once and speak often on KakaoTalk, but it's still a relatively new relationship. I hope to write more about the experience later.

As to why I got an exchange partner...well, I kind of fell into it. It started with a conversation with a friend about their language acquisition, then downloading an app, and then posting like I was on Facebook, but with less memes and more Korean. Within two weeks of actively using the app, I made a few connections to various people for language exchange, but only one we've agreed to meeting a second time and committing to each other as exchange partners.

I'm really hoping that my speaking will improve. I can do a lot with textbooks, SMS, and Duolingo, but speaking isn't one of them. At work, I'm there to be an English teacher. At home, I want to be able to connect with other English speakers again.

However, a promised exchange is a bit of both worlds.

And so far...it's going great!

Let's just hope it stays that way...

#SaveOurToya

The Blue Screen

...of death.

Wasn't even the first thing I saw on my barely a year old laptop.

This is what I actually saw.

This traitor of a laptop decided to tell me, 'ooo gurl. We ain't got no hard disk.'

Now, as the smart and very capable person that I am, I answered, 'haha, you got jokes,'

My laptop did not have jokes. This was very real, and my hard drive was not working. I went to system diagnostics, I did the system test thing. Nada. Nothing.

We ain't got no hard disk.

Which meant a few things:

1) I'm about to spend money I had no plans on spending.
2) I needed to find a computer store (preferably one that spoke English)
3) I can't lesson plan.
4) I CAN'T LESSON PLAN. 

Some things needed to be repeated, and number three echoed in my head. At first, I thought it would be okay. I'm teaching at the same school for the second year. I'll be fine. Everything is mostly done anyways.

But then I got my final-final-final class schedule (it took a few tries to get it finalized for realsies) when my brain pointed out, 'ooo gurl. We got some new classes to prep for.'

It was not the same schedule as my first semester, unfortunately. I got 12 different classes. That's over half of my workload. And we ain't got no hard disk.

There was a small panic, not gonna lie. I flipped a bit.

Then Mom, awesome brilliant Mom reminded me I know people who could help me out. At least, on getting my laptop fixed. And while it was getting fixed, I realized, I could probably get my lesson planning done at work between my classes.

It's not the easiest. Lord have mercy on my exhausted brain, because it is a challenge to put lessons together in a busy office and dealing with potential racism. Trying to stay focused and work out what was happening around me and staying at 110% at all times was a juggling act I hadn't signed up for.

So, why not add Korean Language classes?

#SaveOurToya

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!?!

See, there's an interesting answer to that.

And it's: nowhere...everywhere.

Wait, what?

Exactly. This last month has flown by (despite a few stagnant days) and during that time I have kept myself extremely busy, but I've also just been doing my thing in my little town.

I do have a few things I want to talk about, and I'll post those next; but to explain why I've been radio silent it all has to do with the fact that I've been surviving without a laptop for a whole month. 

That's right. 

No laptop.

I've also started up Korean classes again.

I have a language exchange partner, now.

I'm doing TikTok videos, or at least starting to...

Oh! And most recently...I've agreed to give a small talk at the next Fulbright Conference later this month.

It's been a hell of a month, and I expect nothing less during my birthday month. Between going to the Geochang Festival, riding my bike into work, typhoons, and potential racism at work, I've kept myself busy.

Keep an eye out as I update my blog on my latest truths!

#SaveOurToya

Ps. all the blue (or red!) words are links to other posts~!

Wait...I'm 26?

In Korea, your age is a little different than what you're used to when you come from a Western country. To put it simply, when you are born, you don't start with 'so and so months old', you are officially 1-year-old. My understanding of that reasoning is that the months spent in your mother's belly....well, they count too.

Now, I'm not going on to the topic of 'pro-life vs pro-choice', I am simply stating a fact on how your age is determined in Korea.

Therefore, as a person born in the lovely year of 1993 as I am, I am 27 years old in Korea.

And as my birthday was today (Sept 4th), I am 26 years old in the States.

However, as I live in Korea I give out my Korean age.

Talk about a shock to my system when someone told me 'happy 26th birthday' this morning. Well, that was after I read about someone else telling me to wish my dad a happy birthday first.

Now, to put that into context, let me explain. My dad and I don't share a birthday. His is the day before mine. We've never had an issue in all the 27...26 years I'd been alive.

Until now.

I wasn't pissed off or told the person off. I simply took a screenshot and sent it in the family group chat. And then...maybe I was a little petty. I redacted the person's name and photo on the screen, added the something along the lines of 'nothing like getting told to wish someone else happy birthday on your own birthday' and posted it to my Facebook stories. I didn't even care if that person saw it or not.

"But what about the time zones, Toya?"

What about them?

Personally, I find it a slap in the face when a person doesn't take the time to look into such matters. It's really not that difficult, ESPECIALLY with technology. I'm not asking for you to find the position of the sun and calculate the wind speed to find out the time difference (note: I have no clue how to ACTUALLY find out the time difference).

A simple 'hey google? What's the time difference between here and South Korea?" would suffice.

Hell, you could even message me and simply ask first, then write your message appropriately.

"Oh, I didn't realize it was your birthday afterwards!"

I'm not asking you, too. Though it may seem like it, I'm not. However, if you know my dad's, you should know mine. But on the off-chance you don't know my birthday, then I guess you should have my dad's number. Seeing as you can remember his birthday. Then you can call and message him directly. Or hell, message my mother...you know...his wife. Who is actually with him. Not the daughter who lives in South Korea.

Oh...is my pettiness showing?

You know what, no. This isn't pettiness. This is my irritation being vented out.

Fear not! My birthday wasn't all bad~!

My students made it memorable with their wild antics that were calmed down by their more shy classmates. I got a few presents and many well-wishes. I felt their love.

Truly.

After school, I had a goal of going to buy a blueberry cake. The bakery didn't have it, so I settled for a few baked goods that I brought home and enjoyed while watching my new Drama.

Despite how my morning started, my birthday ended pretty well!

#SaveOurToya

Year 2

A beautiful summer view of a Namsan trail

Clearly, it's been over a year since this blog's conception. During that time, I've had some wild and...not so wild adventures; many unforgettable memories to say the least.

Now, as some of you know, I've been a bit unsure of the SaveOurToya blog. My original vision just didn't seem like it would be a good fit anymore for year 2.

However, fret not!

My hot ride around Geochang

(That's right. I said, 'fret'.)

Year 2 won't be any less boring! In fact, it's going to be active.

So...so...active.

If you follow me on instagram (@SaveOurToya), you're well aware that I've started up running again.

A new fondness for archery
>__<!!!

And not just any ol'running. I'm training to run a 5k again. It's been over a year since my last 5k in June 2018, which hadn't focused on beating my PR. The run in June wasn't for breaking my record. It had been for a more personal matter. My best time had been earlier that year, where I'd almost run a complete 5k.

I remember feeling so proud of myself. Sure, I played soccer for roughly 8 years, but...I don't know. Being able to consistently run for that long of a distance without dying of suffocation was pretty fucking awesome for me. I was a lazy sports person back in my day.

I'm not even kidding. I could play a 90mins soccer game straight through, but tell me to go run a mile in gym and I hated everything.

I also remembered that on that day of my almost 100%-5k-run, I felt almost unstoppable in my journey to get fit.

And I want that feeling back.

So, here's to my new health goals!

Otter pond at 5:30am with mountains slowly peaking out
from the fog. 

1) Run a 5k in Korea. (If I can buy the damn ticket: Seoul Marvel Run 2019 this October.)
2) Lose 27kg/60lbs. (Already lost about 3kg/6lbs, but the first few are always the easiest to lose!)
3) Get 8 to 9 consistent hours of sleep. (I've struggled with this since high school, but I will win!)
4) Become part of the Geochang early af community. (I'm already greeted by some ahjummas with '굿모닝' and its the cutest thing.)

And my last goal...

Geochang at dusk

5) Officially drop 10 pants sizes from my biggest size in October 2017 (I've already dropped 6 since then, soooooo 4 more to go~!)

Just thinking about the journey I've started sometimes leaves me overwhelmed. I can best sum it up as: Toya = GAH!

Wish me luck, yall.

I'll need it.

#SaveOurToya

GoodBye

Isn't saying goodbye one of the hardest things to get through?

All these feelings and memories popping up as you say goodbye not giving you a moments' peace.

Ugh.

It's getting harder and harder to write this post.

Apparently, I still haven't found my voice.

Now, this post isn't even a 'see you later' goodbye, but a 'I don't know when I'll ever see you again' goodbye. And I am literally the WORST at those kinds of goodbyes.

I never know what I'm supposed to say or do. I'm like that person who will go for the high five when you go for the fist-bump.

Oh dear god.

I'm that awkward parent trope that's trying to stay woke.

I know I act like a retired grandma who is 100% done with people's shit and wondering when I get my next nap, but really? Have I truly made it to the point that I can't do social interactions anymore?

**DEEP BREATH**

Okay. I can do this.

This post is about goodbyes.

This week, a majority of the Fulbright 2018-19 cohort are going home, saying goodbye to their time in Korea and hello to their next part in life. It's a kind of...bittersweet change. Though I wasn't very travel or social heavy like the rest of my cohort (retired grumpy grandma, remember?), it's still odd to think that after this week, they won't be in the country to reach out to. Those 79 people that survived an 8-week Orientation with, not crossing a river boundary, reluctantly obeying FEP dress regulation DESPITE the heat, battling for the washer and dryers, and enjoying soju outside the nearby 7/11s.

Mentioned in an earlier post, I described how I was at a loss of words during this transitioning time.

I'm still clearly affected, but...I can feel that I'm also just so much closer to my voice for the coming year.

On August 19th, 2018, I wrote about 79 goodbyes and 80 hellos. I wished my cohort all the best during their time in Korea. Now, as it closes out for most of them, I wish to extend similar well -wishes to them as they move to their next journey.

To those who are renewing a second year like I am, may this second year be just as fantastic (if not more) than our first year!

And to the new first years...may you forge new memories that you may never forget!

#SaveOurToya

Never Ending Semester

You ever get to the point where you would stare into a coat closet for a good long moment, wondering why you couldn't find your mug?

No?

Well dang.

Guess it's just me.

Now, I suppose saying I'm tired is a bit of an understatement, no?

And look, I've checked my sleeping patterns (technology is cool like that) and it's not that I'm tired.

So, what is it?

Well...can someone explain to me how it is almost July and I'm still teaching? How am I not on summer break? How did I fall into this situation where I will still be teaching all the way up to August?

Y'all. I'm not tired. I'm exhausted, in that way that I need a vacation to recharge and not a good night's rest.

Not too sure how I'm still functioning right now.

No, wait....

Am I even "functioning"?

Coat closets don't hold mugs.

Working through this exhaustion has been a noticeable challenge. I'm putting it up there with the senioritis I was internally crying through during Grad School. But like the last two years, I wouldn't give it up. There's been some good moments this last month that I wouldn't give up either.

Fresh veggies from the school farm.

Homemade yogurt.

Laughing like no ones watching.

New friends.

Makes me wonder where I'll be this time next year. Will I be looking in the copier for my mug or will I grab it from its actual location that its always in?

This semester may be never ending in an almost painful way, but its also been a time for me to enjoy the small moments that I used to let pass me by. In 3 days, June will be over and it will officially be July. My second year in Korea will officially start as the clock starts ticking down to the finish line.

As I said in a Facebook post, I hope to keep this blog going and talk more about my adventures and the awesome people that I have met and will meet.

Just gotta get through another month of teaching before I can be on vacation!

Oh, and before I forget.

My mug was on my desk...

#SaveOurToya

Changes Are Coming

It's been about two months since my anxiety attack over trash. Lots of things have happened since then.

I've been to Jeju for the Fulbright Spring Conference, Sports Day at my school, various Korean holidays, and even, my parents came to visit me.

Each moment has something that I could talk about, but for some reason, I found myself struggling to talk about it. At first, I wasn't sure what's been going on, but my words were lacking.

Which is odd.

In Jeju, I was able to hear the ocean every night as I fell asleep.

At Sports Day, I got many awesome pictures of my students being...well, awesome.

During the Korean holidays, I was able to recharge a bit and hang with friends.

With my parents, I've noticed how much I've changed since I left Florida.

These are all good things with stories tied to them!

And yet...I'm left speechless in the worst of ways.

In roughly one month, my first year in Korea will be finished and I think...that's what's stopping me.

In one month, despite the fact that I'm not leaving, I am still saying goodbye to those who are. With each of them goes a part of Korea that has made my time here so memorable. I've already begun to notice it with others who've left that aren't Fulbrighters.

Things are shifting and changing as the circumstances are.

It makes sense, though.

It does.

And I supposed I could say I'm making peace with it.

Now that I'm being honest with myself, I can see the sadness that's holding my voice back.

Changes are coming and I need to find my new voice for the year.

#SaveOurToya

It's Funny

Funny, but in that ironic sense of way. A few days ago, I was wondering if I should post something before the end of the month, to give March one more post, but thought against it. I don't like posting to just post.

I prefer to have something of sustenance go up. Something that will give me a good insight to what I was thinking about, without having to flex my brain very hard later down the road, wondering what was going through my mind.

Ah, what can I say, I'm lazy and I embrace it. 

Now, back to the irony of it all. 

Yesterday, someone mentioned that they've been meaning to write again, and really wanted to, but just...[insert half arm flail here...you know the one]. 

My response had been not to stress it. A writing piece will come when it comes. 

Not even 24 hours later, and here I am.

Last night, I was faced with a small anxiety attack that made me question why I wanted to stay in Korea for a second year. Holy hell that had been uncomfortable. I felt clamy and discomfort in my own skin. In my own bed. The moment you're uncomfortable in your own bed, is the moment you know you're not doing well.

It was my bed.

The one place I don't have to be anyone. I can just be a blob of exhaustion and still sass people from the tips of my fingers. The bed is a sacred place. 

And yet because of one 아저시, I was in an unsettled place, because of him and my trash. 

It sounds silly, doesn't it?

An anxiety attack because of the fucking trash.

*sigh*

I don't want to invalidate my experience, by saying it shouldn't have happened. That I am embarrassed by such a tumble of emotions to the point that I will discredit my experience. 

It's so hard though!

I'm internally struggling to find a balance between acknowledging what happened and avoiding it. 

Which is probably why I am writing this post now. 

I am acknowledging that my thoughts spiraled downward so fast any Korean would be proud at the speed. I went from, 'taking my trash out!' to 'did that man just grunt at me?' to 'wait, my trash DOESN'T go here? Well, where the hell does it go?' to 'there's no place for my trash, my life is going to turn into a trash dump...literally' to 'fuck, why is this guy such a dick?'. 

And as I was climbing into bed, to fall asleep for the night, bam! 

Anxiety showed it's ugly head.

The only way, I was able to settle down enough to fall into a restless sleep was by giving myself a game plan for the next day. I would go into work, speak to my co-teacher about the trash, and have her call the building owner. I was going to get my confirmation of where to put the stupid trash, so my life won't physically reflect what it sometimes feels like. 

And guess what I found this morning on my way into work.

Exactly.

I went through all of that last night, for basically nothing. 

Oh wait. I think I'm getting ahead of myself a little. 

Remember the 아저시? For those who don't speak Korean, it translates to a man who is between the age of 40 to 60. He was out smoking his cigarette and saw me drop off the trash at the 'not your spot'. I barely looked at him, mostly focused on my audio-book, when I heard random grunting noises over the narrator. I turned around and he starts talking. 

"Do you live in that building? Yes? Then, you can't put your trash here. Your trash site doesn't exist? It's there. Just look around for it. This place is for this building. Not yours. You understand? Good. This is not for your building."

That's pretty much the gist of what he said, as he points around with his cigarette. It was a surreal experience, that I was able to understand as much as I did, not freak out, and was even able to negotiate that I could leave my trash there for the evening.

I, personally, did not understand why it really mattered, it's all going to the same place on the same garbage truck...but anyways, yeah. Negotiating trash location without freaking out, I counted it as a win.

The freaking out was saved for later.

Now, here I am, sitting at work, well aware of where my trash goes, wondering why I wasn't told about the trash spot to begin with? 

Oh wait. I'm a foreigner. 

#SaveOurToya

Spring - 봄

Small confession time.

I submitted a small piece to Infusion, Fulbright Korea's magazine. Per it's about section, "[t]he magazine aims to capture the diversity of the Fulbright Korea experience by publishing work from Fulbright Korea senior scholars, junior researchers, English teaching assistants, and program alumni".

Though I aimed to see my name in print, I'd been offered the opportunity for a web publication. Which is still a fantastic opportunity!

My editor and I worked on my piece I titled "Spring - 봄" for a little over a week. Between our teaching schedules, life schedules, and sleep schedules, we were able to create the piece below. I want to give a special thanks to Kyle, for seeing my piece's potential and helping it bloom.

Unfortunately, it wasn't published online. But that's okay. You win some, you lose some.

However, fortunately for me, I have an online platform that allows me to publish whatever I want.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Springtime is for new beginnings and cleaning up the hot messes you’ve carried through your life the previous year.

As 2019 began to trickle in, I noticed bits of 2018 overflowing into the new year.

And the thing is?

I felt every moment of it.

I'm pretty sure most, if not all of us can summarize 2018 exhaustively as, 'What the what?'

Not to worry, I'm not about to relive 2018. I'm talking about new beginnings, remember? While others are busy spring cleaning and getting ready for the next year, Fulbrighters in Korea are focused on whether they choose to renew or not.

For some of us, the decision is easy, while others struggle. Like the onslaught of pollen, so many thoughts fly around clogging up the path towards decisions we wish to make, and really...we just want to breath again. At the beginning of our grant years, we all came with goals in mind.

As each day gets carried off by the falling leaves, frozen fingers are challenged to keep up with the changing seasons and its new demands. Through our grant year we are tested and we change our minds about our goals, possibly multiple times.

I've spoken with various Fulbrighters in Korea. Some of them have similar stories, whereas others are definitely having a much different experience during this 'should I stay or should I go' period. Just like the beginnings of spring, it's a hot/cold situation. Winter still clinging despite everyone hoping to see flowers bloom and not wear long padding anymore.

A Fulbrighter explained it as a game of Uno when someone plays the Reverse Uno card. In one breath, the decision is going down a steady path, and the next...it's going the complete opposite. It's these moments that we weather out. We talk to our fellow Fulbrighters, we continue having our experiences in Korea without pause. A few of us are at ease during this time, and they are the lucky ones. They get to play an Uno game without many plot twists. The other game that is being played has a multitude of unexpected twists and turns, and there isn't an end in sight until all the cards have been played.

And a decision has been made.

If a Fulbrighter isn't jumping between hot/cold and Reverse cards, then did they really move abroad? Did they truly challenge themselves and commit to being cultural ambassadors?

A Fulbrighter's first year is a year of realizations and new experiences. From humid summer days at Orientation to cool evenings during our first months of teaching to the freezing winds bringing snow, we start to learn more about a country so different from our own.

A country that thrives despite the weather or hardships around them. Just like a Fulbrighter.

As snow melts and the cherry blossoms touch the sky, we begin to make our final decisions. The decision that will outline the next three hundred and sixty-five days of our revolving lives.

Do we stay for a second year, and deepen our bond with Korea?

Do we stay for a third?

Do we switch programs, because we just completed our third year and aren't ready to leave yet?

Do we stay calm, because the decision was never really a problem to begin with?

Or do we go home, and see what happens next?

So, perhaps Spring time isn't just about new beginnings, but for the hope of something more.

And maybe that’s something worth carrying into the Summer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There you have it. My first adventure into being published (not on my blog). Tell me your thoughts. What did you think about Spring? Could you move across the world for a year? What would you do in Korea if you could visit? Would you stay for a second or third year? Don't be shy!

And as always,

#SaveOurToya

Fourth Point

At some point during our Orientation period, we were told to find our 'fourth point'. Something that had nothing to do with teaching and more along the lines of doing something that interests you. A version of 'self-care' without out-right saying 'self-care'. It's a good concept, but it takes forever to find something to be your 'fourth point'.

At least to me, it did.

And the reason why I don't call it Self-Care (without the quotations marks), is the simple fact that you don't HAVE to have a fourth point during your grant year. But I am of the strong opinion, highly recommended, 10 out of 10 on Yelp, that Self-care is a must.

You need to take care of you, live for you, be for you. Taking a step away from Adulting and the pressures that you find yourself stuck under is a breath of fresh air that actually helps you more than sticking it out.

My Fourth Point never turned into learning a traditional Korean instrument or practicing my Korean. Or going swing dancing. (And yes, these are all versions of Fourth Points currently happening.)

My Fourth Point can be boiled down to three brilliant women who have made my grant year something one of a kind. Somehow, in all the confusion, joy, depression, amusement, anxiety, [insert adjectives here], I've been able to find a quiet joy.

Does that sound underwhelming to you?

Maybe.

But to me, it means more than I can ever put a price to. By the end of our grant year, I'm not sure what I'll do as my new Fourth Point as we all start the next part of our lives. While I am sad that two of three will be returning home, I am so proud of all of them and their continued journeys.

From Grad School to traveling to LSATs to a 2nd Fulbright Grant year.

There's so much I want to say to the three of you and I don't even know where to start.

To Tae: I know that you'll be staying a second year, which is why you're getting the first shout-out. To be honest, I don't even remember what connected us at Orientation, but I don't really care anymore. Whatever it may have been, I'm so thankful for it. You leave me in awe, Tae. The decision for law school and the LSATs...just, wow! I know it wasn't easy picking what you were you doing next, but you finally did it. You have such a caring heart and wonderful outlook on the world. I know that where ever you end up within the Justice System, they'll be lucky to have you.

To Julia: Mokpo was hella cold and you were hella sick, but still took the time to have lunch with us and hosted us for dinner. If that doesn't describe how fantastic you are, I'm at a loss. The bond we share is one-of-a-kind, if I were to be Frank. With you, I feel that I can just...be me. It leaves me in a delicate balance of vulnerability, but also safety. I'm thankful to you for letting me see this side of myself. Travel well, I cannot wait to see your pictures!

To Anni: I don't know how you do it, Anni. I really don't. It may be your dimples that get compliments, but it's really your soul that should receive praise. The amount of care I have seen you put to situations that I would disregard has left me in various states of confusion, amusement, exasperation, and fondness. Despite how your care for others may hinder you, you still don't change your ways. Some may call it stubbornness or self-destructive, but the way I see it, it's pure. Pure in that I knew I could rely on you when I needed someone during a very shaky time. It's a characteristic that will make you an amazing teacher. Have a great time in grad school!

There's so much more I can say to the three of you, but I'm going to leave it here.

No wait. That's a lie. One last thing.

Thank you for inviting me to your homestays and getting me out of Geochang. Yes, I'm "small town living", especially compared to the three of you, but it suits me. I'm a creature of habit, after all. I would not have settled in as well to Korea, if it weren't for you three forcing my hand and getting out of Geochang.

My Fourth Point = priceless.

#SaveOurToya

영어선생님이에요

Today my Vice Principal told me my teaching style has greatly improved. In fact, she said I deserve a certificate for being a real teacher.

And yet...I have mixed feelings about this statement...

One is joyful and the other one is resentful.

I'm well aware that I wasn't exactly a teacher when I first started out back in September. Before then, I'd taught only two classes with another English teacher. Outside of that, I've only given presentations to my peers (woo, class presentations~!). So, to hear that I've improved is fantastic!

But...why didn't she give me any tips or suggestions on how to get better?

Yes, I have a TEFL and TESOL certificate that say I am qualified to teach English to non-English speakers, but let's be honest...attending classes, drafting lesson plans, reading methodologies...theory is one thing, and the practical is a whole other beast.

Some days I struggled, other days I was able to keep my head over the water. There were even some days that I could stand in the water with confidence. Those first six months were rough, but they were doable. I'm proud that I was able to achieve what I have.

But...a little help would've been great. Not going to lie. Especially since I never really knew what I needed to ask to improve. Knowing what I do now, it was getting to know the students and having them know me. It was through this process that I was able to figure out what kind of teacher I was.

I connect with my students by being silly with them. I get my students improving by sticking to a routine. Heck, even the usage of my minimal Korean has shown my students that as they try to learn my language, I'm also learning their's. I kid you not, the second I told them to get out their 공책, they not only flipped out, they got more attentive.

Did I have to learn Korean to be a better teacher? Maybe. For the position that I am in, at the school that I am in, it did make me a better teacher. Had my circumstances been different, it may not have been what made me "better".

What did make me a better teacher was the amount of time I've put in for my students and for myself. I feel that at the beginning, I'd only been doing half of that. I was putting in too much effort for one of those, and it was hurting me. Until I figured out my balance, I wasn't doing anyone any good. Not my students, and definitely not me.

Six months to get comfortable in a new land.

Six months of teaching young children to first get comfortable with English.

Six months from when I left everything that I knew.

I can now say, with confidence, I am an English teacher.

영어선생님이에요.

#SaveOurToya

Depends on your school

Some of you who've found my blog, may be contemplating Fulbright Korea? If so, then this post may be of interest to you!

As right now, I'm about to drop some knowledge about the program that you don't see until you're in the program.

Everything can be boiled down to four words: depends on your school.

How many classes you teach? - depends on your school.

What kind of classes you teach? - depends on your school.

Homestay Family? - depends on your school.

Coteacher's interaction with you? - depends on your school.

None of us ETAs have the same story. From one ETA who teaches 8 classes to another who teaches 25. Oh yeah, you may be teaching over 22 hours a week. Of course, you'll be paid for the extra work, but still. It's overwhelming and intimidating, but once you get into the flow of things, it's doable. You may be lucky that you don't have to create a new lesson for each hour and that you can use the same lesson for all the same grade levels. Unless, you're like me...

Me, being an Elementary ETA who teaches a total of 20 students, with my smallest class being 2 students big and my largest class being 11 students small. Practically creating new lessons at a constant rate. 

Fulbright can prepare you for some of the cultural differences and potential misunderstandings during Orientation. They can also help with your language skills. Oh! And polish some of your teaching skills through workshops and FEP teaching .

But, once you leave Orientation and you're at your placement...your school is who guides you through the rest of your year. You will get tested emotionally, physically, mentally, psychologically, and any other '-ally' that I can't think of right now. 

It is literally like any other job, if I were honest. Your first month at a new job will have you thinking, 'I love this job!' to 'Ugh, why did I take this job?'. When you become a teacher abroad, it's a bit longer than a month. And once you feel at peace with your job, you realize it's been about six months. That is why a lot of people who teach abroad tell you, 'the first six months are the hardest'. 

Probably a little harder than they need to be, but a positive attitude helps you get through the worst of it. How you look at your situations, every single one of them, will shape your experience during your grant year. While a lot of your day to day is dependent on your school, all of it is dependent on you.

Are you going to look at your situation in a negative way, making it worse, or are you going to be positive, and make the best of what you have?

I could be upset that I have to create 22 new lesson plans a week, or I could just take this as an opportunity to show my students more fun ways to learn English.

#SaveOurToya

Learning Korean

Friends back home must be shook that I took this long to finally write a post about learning Korean. Unlike my language learning in the past, I have no regrets this go around.

That's right, I used to have regrets when it came to learning languages. Or maybe it was more...guilt? 

Look, either way...there were some negative feelings. Even when I was learning French, which I have a degree in. And at some point, the negativity grew so overwhelming, it hindered me from enjoying French. It hindered me from getting better at French.

It kind of just held me down and wouldn't let go.

Even when I tried getting out of the funk by studying ASL. Things seemed like they were going better, but next thing I knew...

NOPE!

I kind of forgot what it meant to learn a new language. Why I enjoyed it so much. 

Until very recently, anyways. I remembered that the point in learning a new language was having fun with it! If you get fixated on the finer details or shy about your ability, you may end up like I did a few years ago.

A rut.

A rut filled with disappointments and a complete lack of motivation.

All-in-all, my French phase was ROUGH.

Which is why I don't want to slip into that same pattern that took the joy out of language engagement when it comes to learning Korean.

Now, my level may be a shaky step from the starting line, but it's a GOOD step. A step forward, and that's all that matters. I'm going to try my damned hardest not to be shy in my Korean. Nor will I be so obsessed on my Korean being perfect.

What matters is the engagement!

Today in class, while others were making sentences like, '만두 맛있어요!'[Dumplings are delicious!], I'm gonna be that student who says, '손 두개 있어요'. [I have two hands.]

I'm going to be the student who is going to try and take what we learned that day and apply it to me and not just reiterate the same old lingo. (Yes, I do have 2 hands. Wild. I know.)

Every new vocabulary word is going to be added to my Quizlet Word Bank. Even if grammar is out the window, mostly because we haven't studied it yet, at least I am gathering the parts together to at least start the puzzle.

I LOVE puzzles by the way.

And sure, maybe sometimes I'll struggle and get shy. 

But hell...

I'm trying, and that's what matters.

#SaveOurToya

A Good Day

Today's been a good day.

For once, I have nothing to say in the matter of negativity. I woke up to fantastic news. I put off breakfast for even better news. And, I actually completed all my errands today.

Let's also not forget that today's Chicken Day.

Today has been so good to me, I wanted to share it with all of you!

Fantastic News: One of my oldest friends is being stationed in Korea starting August. That means...she'll be here all of my second year!

Even Better News: My parents booked their tickets and will be visiting me come May~! No clue how they'll like Korea, but I'm hoping they'll see how well I've adjusted and get to enjoy their time here.

My Errands: Finally able to finish two particular errands that I've been putting off for a week or so now. I even found the post office. I sent letters.

Chicken Day: A day I hang out with a few of the other foreigners in my town and we get to enjoy chicken, good company, a wonderful playlist, and relax!

All-in-all, this Wednesday is my kind of Wednesday.

#SaveOurToya